For a long time, I have ran from the thought of godliness. I know it sounds a little weird, and so I will expound upon it quite a bit to try and paint a picture of me and my pursuit of God. My testimony is one of great alarm and ugliness in relation to my upbringing and family background. I was raised in a christian home, taught christian values and principles. In this, I was forced the word of God and silly little "christian" quirks that for so long made me run away from the cross of Jesus Christ. Yet, despite my flight, the Holy Spirit is much more of an athlete than I could ever be, and He furiously chased me down and violently brought forth His love and redemption upon me. My conversion did not consist of coersion or even convincing, it was simply pure revelation of the heart. I was forced to stare Jesus and the cross He hung from face to face, and with blood still dripping from the cross, it was simply irresistible. I had not an option, for His grace was too much, it was truly the "power for salvation".
In light of this, I still had all these bruises and wounds from my "christian" upbringing that really waged war against any real pursuit of God. I knew that I wanted Him and ONLY Him, and all the american christianity add-ons just could not cut it. So, the emergent church ideas really tickled my fancy, leading me into what I would call my "early-enlightenment". I use this term, because I have no doubt that Christ gave me a regenerate heart and had changed me, but "church" somehow just did not fit my mold. Arrogant, yes. Self-centered, yes.
But, through all of my searching and reaching, I somehow was always left wondering if this is really what it was all about, ya know feeding the poor, digging water wells, and helping the widows. Social justice became my own religion, plastered with Jesus' name all over it. Let me stop here to say that I still cling to these convictions and seek to devote my life to BEING Jesus to a world who has seen little of Him in the last few decades. But, God is far too sovereign, He is far too concerned about HIS glory and HIS righteousness, that mine just didnt seem to fit on His radar.
So, through many divine encounters and just absolute sovereign meetings between me and straight up varsity men and women of faith, my whole "theology" has kind of unraveled. It has been the most painful thing I have ever had to walk through, leaving me sleepless many a night. But, through all of the pressing in of my heart, the Lord has begun to show me just how self-righteous and wicked MY heart really is. Which has left me with only one option, to cling desperately to the cross of Jesus Christ as my only hope. In Ephesians 2:1-3, Paul outlines the state of a man's heart outside of the cross of Christ, and even goes as far to say that I was "by NATURE, a child of wrath". That my state before Christ came and delivered me from death was one of complete emergency, that i was a child of wrath, one to whom wrath was coming and rightfully and justly so. But it doesnt end there. Thank God it doesnt end there. He goes on in verses 4-10 to describe the paramedic rescue of my selfish, wicked heart. That though I was DEAD in my transgressions, I am not "ALIVE in Christ" and that I am His "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works". What a promise, that the God of the universe looked down from outside of time, and saw a wicked man, a selfish, deceitful man, and said YOU, I choose you to be my workmanship; to carry my glory in the world and to delight in Me.
So, this is my latter-enlightenment. This is where I stand now. On the rock of Christ, clinging to His cross, begging Him to change me and conform me into His image. That He made Him who knew no sin, to be sin, so that I, Casey Straughn- wicked, broken, rusted, ugly man- might become His righteousness. May His name be magnified and glorified in all things, in me and in you as we all die daily, so that He might live in us.
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